i dun like this feeling

my heartbeat is racing ...

my thoughts are overloaded ...

im looking hard at the menu trying to avoid a conversation ...

*shit* the waitress came and took away the menu ...

smile sweetly at you sitting across the table ...

avoid eye contact ...

started talking abt the weather, the pple at the next table, the pictures on the tablecloth ...

and slowly *silence*

look around again ...

praying for the food to come ...

brainstorming to strike another conversation ...

took a quick glance at you ...



all of a sudden, i feel so far away from you ...
we seems to be so near, and yet so far apart …



is it me? Or you? Or us?

Happi Happi Times!

Happi Happi Times!

Flowers! Flowers! This is the 2nd time i have ever gotten flowers! (sua ku).

Didnt work out with the first sender. well hope this time will be better!

present for e king from baby & me!

I have some kind of artistic sense right?

Yes of course i knew it ...

Do i look freaky or what??!!

Torture time!! wahaha! look at his wu gu face. wahaha. I have to actually hold and grab him to take a picture with me! he really hated to take pictures with me so much!!

k la k la, since its V day we still must act act a bit.

so sweet & decent ... omg cant stand it ... =P haha

V DAY

ohh ... its been such a long time since i have last blog ... ten days!! Since last week i had been busy working. work ... work ... work ... Now i finally understand why wl, bw & xf has been complaining since they started working full time and WHY wl always don't wanna go out on Sunday. Haha. Its really very taxing and tiring! Studying is still the best! So all of u out there who are still studying ... enjoy while you can! Haha.

Yeah! Tomorrow is Valentine's day! Well actually I'm not really anticipating or expecting anything la. To me its just another day. But just to join in the mood ma. Haha. For my whole life till now, I have actually only celebrated V day once. And its like ... hmm ... OMG! 8 yrs le! (Ok la ... I'm not very popular with guys i know. Haha) But its ok ... At least i get to spend V day with my sisters for the rest of the time. SISTERHOOD ROX! BEANIE GANG ROX! Too bad we have to miss spending V day together this year. But its ok, cos we made it up with a friendship day. hehe.

Anyway, hereby wishing everybody an advance Happy Valentine's Day! May those who are attached love each other more with each day, work hard to stay attached (I'm serious. R/S are so fragile these days ... ) and spend the all V day in the rest of your life with your present partner! And to those who are single, enjoy single hood now and patiently wait for the right one to come along! And I'm sure it will be very soon ... have faith!

love ... hug ... kisses ...

silly me

I have nv shed so much tears for a guy in my life before!!! And its not like he did anything wrong or he was bad to me. Frankly speaking, he is even gd. Dun understand it myself too. Maybe im having depression or what. Scary. Or im not suitable to be in a r/s, cause i worry too much le.

Today we didnt msg each other like usual. Think he must be angry with me. I was feeling terrible the whole day until he msg me in the evening. Then i know he is ok le. And i feel so much better. Imagine half a day without any contact from him and i nearly broke down le ( ok la ... a bit kua zhang la!) Cant imagine if i am without him.

Anyway im feeling much better today le (I hope). All thx to Shawn. Pei-ing me all the while yesterday. Smsing for 3 hrs!! Wasted a lot of his smses, must pay back to him some day. But i know i can nv pay him back what he has given me. Always there for me when im down and not expecting anything back in return. 10000000 X *hugs*

i REALLY wanna be HAPPY!

i wanna be happy ... i REALLY wanna be HAPPY! but why am i making things difficult for myself? why am i making myself suffer in misery when all i need to do is just don't think so much, worry so much and look on the bright side of things. To make things worst, i cause misery in people around me too. I don't want to be so complex, i wanna be simple ... as simple as possible.

tired ... mentally ...

Today had been a busy day for us. In the morning he went to get replacement for all his lost documents and cards while i went for driving lesson. After that, we met and went to chinatown to get some beading stuff and my hair treatment!! hehe. Midway we were tired and took a break at a dessert stall. I ordered mango sago and look what i discovered??

Are you thinking what im thinking?? Yeah!! These sago looks like ... eh erm ... sperms! Interesting yeah? but they really do taste delicious though. haha.

Anyway, we caught a movie after that. Happy Birthday by Rene Liu and, my laopo's hubby, Louis Koo. Actually i nv intended to watch this movie, but after Biao Yong's highly recommendation i decided to give it a chance. Haha. Its a really touching movie though. Made me cried several times.

Xiao mi (Rene Liu) relates to me quite a bit. Both of us lack of security. Like her, no matter how much i love the person i am unable to see the future. I am totally committed to my partner, but i just cant seem to trust myself 100% to him. Afraid that once i do, if he change, i will be hurt. So i will always hold back in whatever i want to do.

While we were having the dessert earlier on, i happen to ask him abt his family trip to hongkong before we met. And he confessed that he actually went with his ex instead of his family. My heart dropped for a sec. Why? cos he lied? cos i didn't know they were that close? or cos its just the sudden mention of his ex. Seriously speaking, for the time that we have been together, he never tell me much abt her. Just a bit and there. I'm curious, i wanted to know but afraid to know at the same time. So i seldom ask too. My bad. Now the effect is taking over me. Without knowing his background, makes me feel insecure. How much does he love her? How long have they been together? How long have they broke up before i came into the picture? What is the reason they didn't last? I feel lost without knowing anything. I know its the thing of the past, and what's more important is now that I'm with him, not her. And everybody has a past, so why bother to know so much? Its important to me, cos i wouldn't want to be the first runner up in his heart. Now it too late for me to ask. My bad.