been too busy to blog recently. havent even got the chance to log on the net. so many things happened these few days. couldnt write it all out. just too many things to be noted. i will just have to lock them all in my memories.

yesterday night was talking with wj on the phone, and just when we wanna hang up, his sir came into the room! so sway! why? cos its supposed to be his lights out time le. haiz. so suay. duno whether its becuase of that, he seems quite upset today. quite moody. i ask him what's wrong. but he kept saying he is ok. eh hello. woman's sixth sense super zhun de. i know something is bothering him. but i couldn't help at all. so sad. hai. hopefully he will be better tml.

anyway, the job today is super boring! boring until the manager has to Create jobs for me to do to keep me occupied. my work might even go down the drain once i finsh the temp job. but its ok. cos i still get my pay. hehe.

oh yeah. and congrats to GREEN BEAN!! you finally learn how to cycle le! haha. really admire your determination sia. really my role model. next time make a big card board cut out of you for me ok?? haha

tml is another long day again!! but baby you must jia you ok!!

sunshine after rain

on fri, after the incident i was really upset. so when he msged me, i replied very coldly. telling him that he dun have to accompany me for the interview and i feel like going for it alone. he also sense that something is wrong and ask me what happen. but it was too late, i was too upset to talk about it. that night i was so upset, i even cried myself to sleep *haiz silly me*

on sat, i got up and started preparing the clothes to wear for the interview. he didnt msged me, so i assume he is either still sleeping or busy with his stuff, so i didnt bother to msg him too. about 1 hr before i was about to leave, he msged me, asking what time am i leaving the place. and after a few msges, he said that he is actually at the pool by my house already. but yet, i didnt invite him up and instead insist that he go look for his friend who lives near by. i just didnt feel like talking to him at that moment. A few msges later, he said that he is very upset about the way i am treating him and will be leaving the place to leave me alone for the day. seeing that, i instantly msged him to come up but he didnt reply. at that moment, i knew that i really hurt him le.

after that, my mom came back to fetch me to the interview. i frantically called him and asked his whereabout. luckily he is just at the busstop outside, so i insisted that he accompany me this time. after a few begging, he agreed. my mom picked him up by the road leading out of the condo. the moment i saw him, my heart nearly shattered to pieces. i can see his agony from the look on his face. i wanted so much to say sorry, but i just couldn't say it out.

anyway, we finally cleared everything (almost everything) on the way back to my house. he said he felt really upset about me turning him away and treating him so coldly. and said that i should nv do it ever again. he seems to be tearing and it broke my heart again. tears started rolling down my face and the next thing i know ... i couldn't stopped crying. i was crying through 1/2 the bus journey and at the same time telling him the reason i am upset with him in between sobs. thinking back now, its so malu, a lot of people must have been staring at me as if im some crazy woman. but at least we cleared things up after that talk. he said that he is sorry and will try to change. and i said that im sorry too for treating him so coldly.

anyway i told myself not to do this again. acting like a spoil brat doesnt solve anything. in the end, by rejecting him, im only hurting him and myself at the same time. sorry bi boo. this wont happen again le.

happy then not so happy then sad

HAPY BIRTHDAY XIAO FEN!! hope you like the birthday celebration yesterday (or rather just now). Really memorable isnit?? haha

first, we went to swensen to have dinner. where they are having a birthday promotion that entitle us to a free main course and ice cream. we didnt know about the promotion untils the manager explained to us and once he said the word 'free', we marched in without any hesitation. haha

after that, we went to hark music cafe that is opposite paradiz centre. its a ming ge chan ting where we get to chill and listen to people singing. you can dedicate songs and even sing live infront of the audience. a totally cool place to chill with friends.

the happening part of the night came when the singers knew that its xiaofen's birthday and demand her to get on stage!! of course she refused la ... so pai seh lor ... but the people there are so persistent. so bo bian all of us have to go to the front with her. in the end (after a very long discussion and dilly dally) biwen and weilih accompanied her to sing 'yong qi'. nothing can be more suitable than that! haha. well as for me ... (sorry sistas) i was sitting below with quizhi swaying with the melody cos i just refused to get on stage. =P sorry sistas ... i know i very mei yi qi ... but i will really die under the spotlight and melt under the stares of so many pairs of eyes. sorrryyyy ....

well everything was fun and we had a really great time until wj dropped by to met me. if only he didnt come then i wont get to realized it. and i wont be so upset now.

he is going to play lan with his friends at a place just a few shops away from where i am so he dropped by to say hi. anyway im about to go home at that time too, so as we are talking, im sort of hinting him to send me to the busstop. (which is like 10 mins away at a really ulu place and its really dark. ) obviously he didnt get the hint and suggested that i take a cab home. i insisted on getting the bus to save money but he says it is too dark and dangerous for a ger to walk that far. of course i know its dark and dangerous deh! but instead of worrying about my safety and walking me there, he seems more anxious about playing his game! so happily, he say bye and went off without even ensuring how i am getting home.

my heart was dripping blood as i was walking to the busstop. i was so fighten as it was really dark and quiet at 12.30 at an ulu place near little india. and furthurmore, knowing that my bf is just around the corner but he is not with me. oh great! just when i need u most u are always not around. well anyway this is not the first time that i realized gaming is more important than me le. after i reached home, my mom said biwen called to check whether im back as she couldnt reached my phone. and this hurts me more, cos even my friends are even more concern about me than he does. he didnt even bother to ask. well ... as a matter of fact ... he did ask ... some 3 hrs after i reached home and of course ... after he ended playing his game. thx ... really appreciated it. am i being too unreasonable here? i tot all boyfriends would worry about the safety of their gf if they really care? isnt it? what i want is merely some concern that is really from ur heart. some actions to show that u really care about me. not beautiful words to make me happy. i dun want that. sorry if i seems like a spoilt brat who demands attention. what i really wan is actions to prove that i really mean something in ur heart. but right until now ... all i have recieved are promises ... sorry im numb ...

xing fu

was riding the bus on the way home just now and getting really sleepy. at that point of time really wish and hope that there is a shoulder for me to lean on and let me have a really gd sleep. someone to support me whenever in times of need. i dun wan much. jus want to feel this kind of xiao xin fu. knowing that there is always someone there for me. it is also at times like this when i realized how much i miss him. at times like this when i wish how gd it will be if he is here. but oh well. i cant demand much ba. cant always expect him to be always around me. but the important thing is im very lucky to have him already, isnt it? hehe. like people always say we cant always take things for granted and regret only after losing it. presently, im very grateful with what i have already. and i hope zx will somehow realize this too. stop making kl sad le. start treating her right ba. and know how lucky u are to have her.

full ...

went makaning with yankar just now at bukit timah rd's boon tong kee. we ordered so many stuff its like having a mini 4 course dinner! personally i ate til the verge of puking le (duno about yk) ... haha ... but nevertheless the fried toufu makes everything so worthwhile yummy~

and well, today bb went back camp le ... the medical guy gave him 2 days excused lower limbs excecise cos his leg is infected! poor thing ... hai ... hope he can hurry recover *sayang*

oh no!

i have finally gotten my SIA second interview's email!! it states that im to go on sat (which is 3 days later) ... but how am i suppose to turn up in this condition? the big scar on my forehead is still far from healing, there are still cuts on my leg and those ugly-looking orh chehs! oh no!! my confidence level just went from 50% to some hopeless -100%. though wj just given me some encouragements ... but seriously ... i dun think i can make it lor ... haiz ...

just feel like it

was talking to yankar on the phone while surfing on the net a few days ago when i chanced upon this blog skin. fell in love with it. and here i am starting a blog. haha. a little silly ba. but i dun care. cos i jus feel like doing it.