Thursday, February 01, 2007

tired ... mentally ...

Today had been a busy day for us. In the morning he went to get replacement for all his lost documents and cards while i went for driving lesson. After that, we met and went to chinatown to get some beading stuff and my hair treatment!! hehe. Midway we were tired and took a break at a dessert stall. I ordered mango sago and look what i discovered??



Are you thinking what im thinking?? Yeah!! These sago looks like ... eh erm ... sperms! Interesting yeah? but they really do taste delicious though. haha.
Anyway, we caught a movie after that. Happy Birthday by Rene Liu and, my laopo's hubby, Louis Koo. Actually i nv intended to watch this movie, but after Biao Yong's highly recommendation i decided to give it a chance. Haha. Its a really touching movie though. Made me cried several times.
Xiao mi (Rene Liu) relates to me quite a bit. Both of us lack of security. Like her, no matter how much i love the person i am unable to see the future. I am totally committed to my partner, but i just cant seem to trust myself 100% to him. Afraid that once i do, if he change, i will be hurt. So i will always hold back in whatever i want to do.
While we were having the dessert earlier on, i happen to ask him abt his family trip to hongkong before we met. And he confessed that he actually went with his ex instead of his family. My heart dropped for a sec. Why? cos he lied? cos i didn't know they were that close? or cos its just the sudden mention of his ex. Seriously speaking, for the time that we have been together, he never tell me much abt her. Just a bit and there. I'm curious, i wanted to know but afraid to know at the same time. So i seldom ask too. My bad. Now the effect is taking over me. Without knowing his background, makes me feel insecure. How much does he love her? How long have they been together? How long have they broke up before i came into the picture? What is the reason they didn't last? I feel lost without knowing anything. I know its the thing of the past, and what's more important is now that I'm with him, not her. And everybody has a past, so why bother to know so much? Its important to me, cos i wouldn't want to be the first runner up in his heart. Now it too late for me to ask. My bad.

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